BBB: Bitches Bite Back

This bullying and efforts to combat it have been done way long ago, through anything; print, television, social media, celebrity ambassadors, conferences, and any possible effort human could to make the World at peace. But as you can see, it never stops. Maybe it is decreasing, but it’s far of being stop.

As a person who grew up in city, I have seen bullying everywhere my entire life. Especially at schools. I was even an object myself. In Pontianak, the city where I lived, most kids are bullied for 3 reasons: gay, ugly, and poor. Yes, it sounds really mean. But that doesn’t mean that if you’re not categorized in one of the three, you’re free. You can be pretty and people will still call you slut, you’re rich and people call you stupid, and so on. Especially in Indonesia, the line between bullying and joking is really thin. People can easily insult you of being fat and laugh about it and that’s OK (They don’t even mean that as bullying, it is just like a common joke). People can give nicknames to everybody based on their physical appearance like the burn-skin, the square-face, the small eyes, the pug, the dwarf, and be fine with it. Because again, it’s a common joke.

As for me, most of the bullying time at school happened just because I was a freshman. It’s such a culture that at school, mostly in middle school, high school, and college, senior has to be superior than the freshmen, at least that’s how I felt. They will do any way possible to make your first year of school to be a nightmare. Ironically, it mostly happens because of a revenge. They do that simply because seniors before them did that to them. They might do it smartly though, they will use their superiority in the name of student orientation and ask us to do things that has zero relevance with what education should be. The freshmen, including me, as the object felt really humiliated. That was pretty disgusting.

As that annoying person who always stand for what I believe, I always clearly declare myself against those stupid hidden agenda of bullying in any kind. When I was in the 7th grade of middle school, an 8th grader kicked my chest and I threw an orange juice to his face, kicked his balls and ran out to the teacher’s office while I was crying. I shed tears but I fought, and the jerk got a detention. And guess what, they stopped bullying. They finally saw how it turned out and was scared to be involved.

As I grew up, I learned that the main roots of bullying is the matter of insecurities of the bullies. In more psychological way, people are defending themselves by offending others. For instance in the simplest case: kids at school. If people only bully others who are not “perfect”, how many perfect people you will be able to see in one school? Even if there are many, more than half of them might be nice. But on the other hand, how many people that look not “perfect” and be those persons that you avoid in the hallway? I am quoting the word perfect just to indicate how subjective it is.

You might also notice that the bullies always come with larger numbers than the victims to show their superiority. Isn’t it clear already that in order to cover their insecurities, they need another objects for some other people to focus on so that it won’t be them. How interesting.

Then the best weapon to destroy your enemy is simply knowing what their weapons are. Alright, yes I get it, we all agree; Bullying is mean, rude, disrespectful, unacceptable and all the worst possible words to express that. And of course the World will be  much a better place if people are kind to each others, share cookies, give your neighbour a ride to school, treat your poor friend lunch, lend your boyfriend to a desperate single friend or whatever. People are less judgmental and more positive to each other and everyone will be happy, love is everywhere.

But seriously, if you are spending the rest of your life expecting the World will eventually be perfect, it’s not exaggerated to say that you’re so delusional.

Nobody was born to be a bad person. But everyone was born with a flaw that we are trying to hide or deny. And just because you have flaws, doesn’t mean that you deserve to be bullied, nor become mean to other people in order to deny yours.

If somebody commit suicide just because someone just punched them in the hallway, the puncher is a horrible person but they aren’t responsible for the stupid decision that the suicider made. If a girl is dying of starving herself just because people say she is fat, that fat girl literally just brings stupidity to a whole new level. Besides that term that I still don’t get “You are what you eat”, You are also how you react to any actions surrounding you. On the simpler words, shit happens, we know it sucks but stand up and show who the bitch is!

You have to be the one show stand up for yourselves of all people.Those insecure bullies need to be given a lesson, and who’s better to give them that than the person they think they’ve won after all this time? You!

You know what can kill superiority? More superiority.

You know what can stop bad words? Worse words.

You know what’s worse than a broken nose? A broken nose with a broken leg.

Once you show them how you worth, how  you value yourself so much, and how strong you can stand up on your feet, there will be just 2 opportunities: you win, or you loose even worse. But remember, only a fool who will get the second result. This is of course isn’t as simple as calling “you’re uglier” than the person who call you ugly. This is also about the whole systematic planning, mostly to show how valuable you are to be bullied.

There are several people, again as my 24 years of experience, that we can categorized as bullies.

1. The barking dog

Usually, they are just verbally annoying. They intimidate you with their words that will cut into your skin. Their motives are sometimes for just making fun, and make them feel good about themselves by making others look bad. These people just need that extra sharper tongue. Thicken your skin and start acting like you’re a champ. Example:

Bully: Hey you fat whore!

Victim: Hey you skinny with no brain. Everyone knows that you’re extremely stupid

Bully: Wow, you have guts, don’t you? (There might be cornering and the whole friends intimidating involve)

Victim: Yeah, and what are you gonna do? I can beat your skinny ass with my fat fingers. So back off! (And just leave without they can even say anything. It shows that you don’t think that they aren’t important)

The key is to show how confident you are that the thing they make fun of you of is turning into your weapon. Knowing their weakness is a must! Everyone must have a flaw. You just need to dig deeper, and voila, you can have lunch peacefully.

2. The skank army

These bullies always go in a group. Their targets are usually a loner or a group of looser. As there are more than one people, their bullying will be various, from verbal to physical. You can see how they do and there might be a chance to finish them as like number 1. But if they can’t, you can find the weakest link. Spot the most approached person in the group and make it two options: befriend, or blackmail. It’s better if you can find a way to befriend them first. Maybe from a mutual friend or from their siblings. But if you can’t, Blair Waldorf taught us many times the art of blackmailing which can be fun. Find their secrets and threat him/her back! So either befriending or blackmailing that weakest link will influence the others to back off. Take over the power and that’s the time to be a bitch.

3. The worst of them all!

This might be the most dangerous of them all. They like to get physical to show that they are stronger than everyone else, which you know what it leads to: crime. You can’t just beat people’s asses as you want anywhere in the World. If you wanna play dumb, you can just fight back and if you just secretly bitten by a superpower spider like Peter Parker you might win. Or if you loose, and die, you will at least die with dignity. But please, be smart. I’m telling you how to value yourself, not 101 sensational ways to die.

If these people want fight, you can give them fight. In an occasion, you can publicly ask them to go one by one, tell them if they are really strong, only one person that they need to finish you. Doing it in public is important so that psychologically, they will be forced to agree and won’t break the rules because they’re ashamed of everyone else. But please notice that you can only do this if you’re sure that you will win! I repeat only if you can guarantee that you will win!

If you don’t think you will win, there is another way. This might sound like a corny movie but make a plot! This might cause several pains but just to remind you that there is no glory without blood involve. You can challenge them as well to fight, by the time it happens, don’t fight first. Let them punch or kick you 2-3 times and put a little bit act to make it look worse than it feels. When you feel enough, start crying and beg them to stop that you will do whatever they want. They will be on cloud nine but what they don’t know is that your friend is filming the whole thing 200 meters away behind the tree. Make as many copy as possible and keep it with 4-5 other people whom you trust so much, just to make sure, and tell the bullies that the crime that they make will go viral if they will ever touch you again! Tell them also that some people know it already so that people will know whom to look for when you will mysteriously disappear (Just in case they’re planning to kill you).

These next sentences should have been written on the top of the page but I just want to show you how hard it is to cure the whole situation and plan them to be better rather than to just simply avoid them.

You have to fully realize that you are bullied for a reason: people have more negative things to see in yourselves more than your bright side. You give them a reason to be making fun for. You are not that worthy in front of others. Then you need a reality check. And the answer is simple: make yourself valuable.

You can have the worst traits but life isn’t just about the things that you bring since you were born. Your effort and hard work will show along the way in the process of growing up. And that’s the thing that people need to see. Instead of letting people see you as a person who is smart but fat, show them that you are fat but smart. As you can see you are basically the same human with the exact same characteristic but when you decide to emphasize which character that you want to sell more, people will visibly see that.

I never got any physical bullying after middle school because I position myself as a valuable person. I made friends with the right persons and worked my ass of to earn the respectable position in the hierarchy. The seniors were bullying me in High School and University just because I was a freshmen and I didn’t want to follow their orders and I stood up and fought back. I set myself up to be the bright one so that many people would like me more than they hated me. I avoided myself being bullied by showing how I was worth it more than them so I don’t need to make extra effort to think of how can I finish them. I was once standing in the circle full of seniors in my first year of University just because I told them that I don’t wanna get involve in their stupid non sense unnecessary dramatic social classes and became public enemy number 1. But when I got my way to the top by literally being the face of both faculty and university (What can I say, they had my huge face on the huge billboard in the main road), these pathetic people thought that they could make amend by making me their friends as like what they did to me the previous year never happened? Sorry not sorry but you can’t sit with us!

Avoiding is much better than curing, but if somebody push you into the pool, just swim so you won’t get drown. Fight back, for yourself. You might inspire others from escaping to hell as well.

As I said, people are bullied for a reason. People aren’t bullied for a reason as well. Only you who can give that reason.



F is for Fabulous, not Fool.

Camp Abbey, Charlottetown Photographed by: Frederique Landry

Everytime I face things I’m afraid of, I constantly tell myself:

“Remember, you’re Feby! Remember, you’re Feby!”

As like it means a thing.

As like I’m the best person in the whole World.

But it’s not about pretending to be the best person who have done all great things in the World. It’s about respecting and valuing what I have achieved, and be grateful about it.

I am thankful not because I am lucky. I thank God for being able to earn what I deserve. I fight for them. Every. Single. Time.

So when shit happens again, I’ll just remember that I’m Feby, and then just laugh about it in the future if I’ll think about it again and say: “I told you right, you’re Feby!”

Shit happens, and you can either run from it, or roll around in it screaming: “Is that the best you got, bitch?!”